Kyro's Journal

Wow, and I don't mean World of Warcraft either.
Still not sure if I dreamed the whole thing.

I am moving to kerrville ya'll.
I probably won't be in touch for a little while.
Most likely won't see ya'll for quite a while.
My mother and I are no longer talking, so sad.

I resent the way I was brought into this fucking world.
I am 1 of 7 children.
Most of you here are have 1 or no siblings.
everything ya'll got, divide by 7 and that is what I got, 1/7 of my parents attention. 1/7 of the money for new clothes, 1/7 the school supplies, I was always having to ask people for paper and pencils.
my family has always been poor.
I was raised in a 3 bedroom house that had no sheet rock on the walls and no central A/C or heat, infact I electrocuted myself on one of the space heaters we used and had to go to the hospital.
I don't know where I am going with this but I am crying all over the place.
I had to make a decision when I was 7 to live with my mom or dad, I had to go to a psychologist who made me draw a picture with my mom on one side and my dad on the other side and then draw myself on it, I cried.
they made me take and I.Q. test and said I was smart but very immature.
I decided to live with my dad, he married a woman he didn't really like so she could help take care of me and my 2 brothers and sister that stayed with him. I didn't like her and she didn't like any of us.
I didn't like living with him so I did theworst I could in school so they would let me live with my mom.
my mom married a man she knew for 3 months and austin and I moved in shortly after, he was bipolar, schizophrenic or however the fuck it is spelled and a drunk, he hit my mom a few times but I was to young and to much of a coward to do anything about it. On that note, my dad slapped my mom across the face in mexico and broke her nose right infront of me in the car, I jumped in between them and got hit once too.
my step dad went to iraq to work on A/C s or something and cheated on my mom.
my sister, who is really my half sister by the way, her great grandfather founded exxon, she has a trust fund that pays for everything, her house, her car, her education, she just has to pay her bills.
I got the short end of the stick on everything, so did my brothers and sisters except her, I resent her for that... and now I pay her rent to stay with her.
I hate my life, I wasn't given a chance and now I am doing nothing with it.
I got a part time job at walmart in the garden center, I was working with a 35 year old man who was getting paid the same as me for moving 60lb bags of soil into cars, 7.60 while pencil pushers made double that for doing nothing.
I hate the way people can spend years working out in the sun getting heatstroke and get paid shit for it and others get paid to sit in an office and do nothing, I bet they didn't have 6 brothers and sisters though.
I guess I resent ya'll too, tim you have just one brother, you get half your parents love, you also got a car.
Matt, I don't even want to start.
Kevin, your parents pay for your college
Erik... nevermind, your life sucks too.
I have shit luck with women, I have given up on that entirely.
I don't trust the world, they are always looking for a way to fuck you over. Someone wants your money somewhere.
Bagwell once told me I could have been validictorian if I had tried, I think he was lieing, his family is rich fuck him.
Really when it comes down to it I guess I resent everyone better off than me and that is just about everyone.
I love ya'll but I hate my lot in life, colleges don't want me cuz I fucked up in school, the marines didn't want me cuz I got mad, hit a wall, and broke my wrist. I am a white male and can't get a grant. I am still crying by the way.
I play WOW because it gives me a sense of accomplishment, I log on and people say "Hey Mighty Mitan" I go do things it takes 3 other people not as good as me at the game to do and feel accomplished, it is just a game and those other 3 people probably have a bachelors in something or other. I am getting dumber the longer I am out of school, I will have to use spell check when I am done with this because I can't remember to spell some of the words.
If anyone is still reading this you probably think I am emo or some lame shit, well I broke down earlier, my mom came after me with a baseball bat because I was disrespecting her, I probably was but I am paying my sister rent to live in her house, I am a few days away from 19 and I don't really think she has any authority over me. I wouldn't hit her back but I got slapped 5 or 6 times and hit in the arm with the bat once, she swung at my head but I caught it and took it from her, I gave it to my sister to put away.
I typed /played into wow earlier and it said I have played my druid for 39 days straight, my shaman for nearly as much, the thing is a I don't give a shit and quit like kevin did. I don't want to do anything with my life, I am a huge fuck up when it comes down to it.
I will likely go back to playing it tomorrow because I have nothing better to do.
well, I am done crying and I guess I will go ahead and post this.

I did not mean to offend anyone in this.
I like all of ya'll even if you got a better hand dealt to ya.

Edit: thought I would add, I am an Atheist, always have been, I have NEVER beleived in a god and just didn't want to say it because I thought I would be rejected by the crazy folks.
I pretended just so I could fit in.

So, I finally broke down and bought my own personal portable source of brain cancer.
My number is 508-2428.
So yeah, call me and stuff.

Ok ya'll, I have wanted to share something with ya'll for a while but I thought ya'll would reject the idea out of hand or think I am nutters. But here it is, have you ever heard of lucid dreaming?

Here is the wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucid_dreaming
Here is basically what it is, it is being aware while you are dreaming, when you are aware you are dreaming you can do whatever you want, ANYTHING.

In my experience the easiest way to get a lucid dream is to concentrate on what you want to dream about when you go to bed, sometimes this results in you just dreaming about that but sometimes you are aware you are dreaming and dream about that.

Another method is to go to sleep by meditating, my prefered method of meditating while trying to go to sleep is to lay completely flat and stretched out and slowly imagine your body going numb starting with your toes and working you way up your body, when you get to your head, imagine layers of numbness being layed over and over on your face, you will eventually fall asleep :)

You can also wake up in the middle of the night and think about what you want to dream about till you go to sleep again, once more this may just end up in a dream about whatever you were concentrating on or a lucid dream.

The wiki article I linked explains it more indepth, some people try to link this with magic, or aliens or all kinds of crazy stuff, but I just look at it as one more amazing ability of the human mind, you can create your own world.

As a side note I unfortunately go to sleep thinking about world of warcraft and end up dreaming I am playing it and then I wake up to find I acheived nothing :( not that I acheive anything by playing that life draining game :/

So, to any of your adventerous peeps feel like exploring this awesomeness then tell me about it.
Oh yeah, you also get much better sleep doing this.

VNV Nation is coming to northern USA in april then southern in June.
Here is what I copied and pasted from their site.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
JUDGEMENT TOUR 2007 - North America (Part 1 & 2)

Dates for Western US / Canada and Southern US will run throughout June. Tourdates will be published very soon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I don't know where but I would think they have to come somewhere in Texas, be it Austin, San Antonio, Houston, or Dallas.

So when they do come who all will be going?

Edit: Decided to add the lyrics to their most beautiful song, Beloved.

It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey

It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same
My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

and today it is Jason's Deli, god I love this place

FREAKING AMAZING SONG

that is all, you are dismissed

actually look at this http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/nintendo/wtf-alert-snes-outselling-ps3-and-360-on-amazoncom-237633.php

It is a beautiful Sunday morning here at Dell, first Sunday I have worked here and guess what I have discovered.
No boss peoples on Sundays!!!
muahahahaha
just us worker bees working away... or are we?

anyways, I get off at 3:30 and want to go do something, if anybody is trolling livejournal right now plz reply.
my life consists of work and wow right now and I want to go do something, maybe watch ghostrider or do some physical activity, I don't know, I just know I want to get out. SAVE ME

Update:
OMIGOURD SKELETON CREWZ!!!
So, it is a skeleton crew up here at Dell on the weekend, along with no boss peeplz
there are also no cafeteria peeplz meaning no food 4 me and that makes me sad :(
also no people to conversate with :(
on the plus side it is amazingly quiet, I think in this humongous room with 150+ cubicles there are like 4 people :/

Oh, on the subject of snack machines, the snack machines here are turned on and off by motion sensor and since there are 4 people in this room, rarely anyone passes by them so they just sit there nice and quiet... till you walk by on your way to the bathroom, then they power up and scare the shit out of you, yeah... much fun.

Next subject, iPods, did you know you can get to your music on you iPod without iTunes?
you have to check the option to view hidden files in windows then browse the iPod like a harddrive, the music is under iPod Control > Music
unfortunately iTunes renames all your files some random combination of 4 letters ie: WESK
so I just highlight all of it and play in windows media player, forced shuffling for the win I guess. At least I have music.

I will probably be updating this alot today since I have no one to talk to here and nothing to do really.

Update:
I have reached the end of the internet, I have browsed it all and have found it lacking.
Still no replys and I am off in an hour so I guess I will be going home and playing world of warcraft, thank you peeplz!!!
you just can't go and have fun by yourself you know.

Yesterday I got free Schlotsky's, today I get free Chipotle. Last week it was free ice cream... I am going to get fat, they just roll these carts by and give you food.

constant nearly 1mb per second downloads :)

Hello this is Dell tech support hello could you describe the problem no wait first let me describe mine nobody believes me they never believe me they haven't listened to a word I said since September when I imagined the bats in the conference room late at night because I accidently grabbed a can of condensed air instead of my 8th can of Bawls and burped myself into a hallucinogenic stupor during a particularly grueling shift during the one night when I worked at the coffee shop all day and tech support phones all night and hadn't slept for 64 hours just like tonight EXCEPT tonight is real I swear I was answering the phones and arguing with this woman who spilled Zima in her boyfriend's Counter-Strike server and I heard this thump and then there was SOMEONE GET THESE ANTS OFF OF ME! and I saw someone standing in our parking lot and he was waving a sword and complaining about his ping and prophesying the doom of the end of the armageddon or the world or something and I NEED SOME MORE BAWLS and I called up my boss on his cell phone and woke him up and he was mad and called me a Choad and said to lay off the caffeine and reminded me of the time I barricaded myself in the office supply closet and OH GOD MY EYES ARE MOVING INDEPENDENTLY OF ONE ANOTHER so I had another Bawls to calm down and then looked outside and saw he was in fact real and on the roof of our truck breaking windows and then he saw me and I ducked and I CAN NO LONGER FIND MY OTHER HAND smashing the glass and coming through into the building and the sword was over his head and I was running and all of my customers were on hold but how could I hope to explain and who could I turn to? MY HEART HAS CEASED BEATING WITH ANY DISCERNABLE RHYTHM and now he's tearing out the cables from the phone closet and quoting scripture I never heard of and there's no one here to help me but a phone full of angry callers and that woman we just hired in the server room who attacks anyone who comes near look at that I'VE GROWN AN EXTRA APPENDAGE CONTAINING A SINGLE ORIFICE THROUGH WHICH IT SPEAKS, HEARS, AND EATS if you are still there call the police the BUTTONS HAVE FLED THE PHONE and good God the man with the sword is heading toward the server room, AND NOW THE WOMAN IN THERE HAS GOT A DESK FAN WITH THE FINGER GUARD REMOVED SHE'S COMING RIGHT AT HIM Ohhh! Ohhh!!!
[Transcript ends abruptly with thud of techie hitting the floor, following the the gratting rattle of metal on metal and distant screams.]

and you know who I am talking to!!!

look what I found :)

What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals?

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this? What a shame sir!
We'll find you another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

So, I wanted to see how fast I type because the last typing test I took was in the 8th grade and I could do 64wpm

here is the site I used http://labs.jphantom.com/wpm/

and I can now type 85.99wpm so we will call it 86wpm :)
how fast are ya'll?

the test gives you an excerpt from the Gettysburg Address.

so, not that anyone here cares but tim and I MURDERED Scarlet Monastery: Armory last night, we did in 7 minutes between the two of us what it takes groups of 5 people to do in an hour and a half. muahahahaha

the people we were helping called it awe inspiringly fast.

as a side note, everyone should play WoW because I say so.

Ok, so I am a call director here at Dell, dell sells computers, stupid people get their hands on computers, they don't know how to use them so they call me....
I don't like stupid people.
I transfer stupid people to 1-800-Snapple.
Goodbye stupid people.